Kitchen = Anxiety

Warning: This post is wordy. Sorry if you were looking for some cute pictures to look at but I'm on a mission tonight. 

I am currently experiencing an overwhelming dislike for the "kitchen". What kitchen stands for, what is done in the kitchen, what is supposed to come out of the kitchen, etc, etc are all sore subjects for me. 

I never really learned to cook, & I do not blame my mother or the way I grew up for this. As a child and into my high school years I did not know that there were more options outside of pasta, chicken pot pie, burgers, seafood, and a steak, potato, veggie plate. All of which I can whip up pretty stinkin' well. They are our household staples now  Then I went to college and met people from all over the world (enter ethnic food) and people who came from families where all their mother did was cook and read cook books as leisure reading (enter things called espresso rubbed chicken and quinoa). Add that I had never had any ethnic food outside of Chinese until my first year of college - Maine just does not have a ton of ethnicities represented. haha. I no longer was satisfied eating the same ole thing and went searching for great food. I found it, ev-er-y-where! My hubby introduced me to my first Mexican food experience in 2009 and I've been hooked ever since - especially to Guacamole. One of my besties is Greek so naturally Gyros were brought into the picture and feta too! I didn't even know feta existed people!

Most of you are probably thinking...so what's the problem? You found food you love. Well, the problem is that I fear cooking. I have been attempting dishes for dinner since getting married in 2008 and have failed miserably on many occasions. Lately we have thrown out 4 dinners in the last 2 weeks! What a waste of food!! It erks me to the core to do this and as a woman it's rough to go through the effort of preparing only to sit down to enjoy the meal together and find out it's not just gross but repulsive. This happens like 90% of the time I cook something that I wasn't taught how to make as a child. I've tried recipes, suggestions from friends, suggestions from the hubby, just winging it, and cooking for dummies. Nothing works and I'm just end up frustrated and overwhelmed. (I have found a few things over the years but 8 things I can cook real well is just not enough). The fact that we have nothing to eat in the house has actually become a joke between the hubs and I & I think it's mostly out of stress from the situation.

So tonight, for the first time ever, the hubs and I decided to go to Trader Joe's for our grocery shopping. This resulting after many long conversations over the years that go something like this:
Hubs: "I'm hungry."
Me: "What should we make?"
Hubs: "I don't know."
Me: "What do you feel like?"
Hubs: "I don't know"
Me: "Burgers?"
Hubs: "Maybe"
Me: "I don't really want to eat that either."
Hubs: "What should we make?"
Me: "I just don't know."
 Hubs: "Lets go find something."
Me: (after spending $100 on food every week) "No! We have food in this house. We are not wasting our money on take-out. Besides, it's not good for you either."
Hubs: "I know but, there's nothing in the cabinets."
Me: "How does this always happen?" (By now I'm super frustrated and starting to take it out on poor hubby)
Hubby: "I'm sorry, I shouldn't complain. I will have PB&J."
Me: "I'm sorry I can't cook or think of things to make."

Okay, now you may have a better idea of my frustrations. Just typing that make me sweat a bit thinking about those every night conversations. So, Trader Joe's was interesting. I have been told that it's expensive there and I'm not going to lie, it is. But, their sale things are good and we made it out alive and not broke. A side note on grocery shopping: The hubs HATES going to the grocery store and will do anything to get out of it. We have always gone to big box stores like Winco or Safeway but mostly Winco which is like a Food 4 Less and is just an empty warehouse with shelves. Lately, I have been dreading going there too. The atmosphere is chaotic and overwhelming. So for Hubs to go to the grocery store with me was HUGE! Anyways, I believe we have enough for 15 dinners so we agreed that there will be no take out for 15 nights. It will be interesting. It will be hard. I hate preparing things and still have the mindset that nothing tastes as good as when someone else prepares it and brings it to you. But for now, I feel better about the food making situation and hubs enjoyed his time at the grocery store. Woop Woop!

Thanks for sticking it out and reading through my digressions on kitchen angst. I hope I'm not the only one out there that experiences this. I love that I have blogging as a place to get this out. Any suggestions and/or tried-&-true recipes would be an extremely great blessing. 

P.S. Blair from Wild & Precious talked about anxiety today (her's related to pregnancy) but her post is really applicable to any situation - even cooking. Go on over there and read about it. Isaiah 26:3
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